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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24351628">Borrowed Time</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheQueerestWriter/pseuds/TheQueerestWriter'>TheQueerestWriter</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kingdom Hearts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aqua doesn't understand, Bonding, Everyone Needs A Hug, Family Bonding, Friendship, Heart-Sharing (Kingdom Hearts), Hurt/Comfort, Kairi didn't die, Not Canon Compliant - Kingdom Hearts III, Sad Vanitas (Kingdom Hearts), Sora didn't abuse the power of waking, Suicidal Thoughts, Vanitas Is Bad at Feelings (Kingdom Hearts), Vanitas has a dirty mouth, Vanitas needs a hug, Vanitias wants to die, Ventus wants to help, heart nonsense</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 08:48:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,508</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24351628</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheQueerestWriter/pseuds/TheQueerestWriter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After the war of thirteen darknesses and seven lights, Vanitas wants it to be over, his pain is too great.  But Ventus won’t let that happen and will do whatever it takes to keep his darker half alive, even if he has to give away part of himself to do it.  Basically Vanitas is an abused, depressed kid who needs a hug. (Kairi didn’t die and Sora didn’t abuse the power of waking)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>54</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. A piece of me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning for suicidal thoughts!</p><p>This takes place after the battle of the the 13 darknesses and seven lights, but Kairi isn't killed, and all the nobodies that were killed, minus Xigbar, appeared as somebodies again and are currently unconscious.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Vanitas sat against a spire of rock, his helmet abandoned.  Around his feet several flood stood, heads cocked.  He was in pain, everything hurt.  Everything had always hurt, but this was worse, so much worse.  His chest was on fire, like someone had stabbed a knife through his heart.  But as he clutched at his chest, he found he was still whole.  </p>
<p>“Those bastards,” he muttered, referring to no one in particular.  “I just want this to end.” </p>
<p>He needed the agony to stop, but he didn’t know how to do it himself.  Maybe he just didn’t have the nerve to end his own existence.  Summoning his keyblade, Vanitas used it to pull himself shakily to his feet.  Leaning heavily upon the weapon for support, he started toward the pull in his chest, the one that had always led him to Ventus.  And where Ventus was, there were others who would love to end him.  </p>
<p>The floods darted around Vanitas’ feet as he walked; he didn’t have the strength to dispatch the little bastards, nor could he deal with the pain that would cause.  There was a rattle in his chest when he breathed that he was sure wasn’t good, but he ignored it.  Once he found those protectors of light, they would end him, and he could finally stop hurting.  </p>
<p>The camp was a haphazard display of awnings and blankets.  Two gummi ships sat on the far end, and everyone sat or slept in groups.  Vanitas didn’t bother being stealthy.  He spotted a particular head of blue hair and made his way around the camp toward it.  Her back was to him when he yelled.  </p>
<p>“None of you brats know how to put down an enemy!”  Every conscious person turned toward him.  Aqua’s eyes locked on his and narrowed.  </p>
<p>“Vanitas,” she growled, summoning her keyblade and charging.  Vantias grinned and got his keyblade up just as a wall of water crashed into him and sent him flying.  He hit the hard packed earth on his shoulder and slid.  The pain was nothing compared to the agony in his chest.  In moments she was on top of him, feet on either side of his chest.  Aqua planted on foot on his keyblade, which he’d somehow managed to hold on to, and held her weapon inches above his throat.  She smashed a flood with her boot and the others melted into darkness.  Vanitas gasped in pain.  </p>
<p>“You should not have come back here!” She said coldly.  </p>
<p>“How could I resist attacking when you are weak?” Vantias managed to sneer.  </p>
<p>“We are never weak,” Aqua said as she raised her keyblade.  Finally, she was going to end him, it would all be over in a moment.  No more pain, no more fear.  Vanitas closed his eyes.  </p>
<p>“Aqua!  Stop!” a voice called out.  A clash of metal and Vanitas opened his eyes.  Ventus stood over him, his keyblade locked with Aqua’s.  </p>
<p>“Ven!  This is our chance to,” </p>
<p>“No!” Ven cut her off.  “I’m not letting you kill him.”  Ventus pushed Aqua back until they were no longer standing on top of him.  </p>
<p>“Are you okay?” asked someone.  Vanitas looked to his left and found Riku crouched next to him.  </p>
<p>“Fuck off,” Vanitas said, but it came out hoarse and weak.  Sora stood behind Riku, a worried expression on his face, and Terra had shown up to diffuse Aqua and Ven, but Vanitas wasn’t listening to their argument.  </p>
<p>“You should sit up,” Riku said, and without warning helped Vanitas into a sitting position.  </p>
<p>“I’m fine,” Vanitas declared, attempting to shove Riku off, when his stomach rolled.  Vanitas pitched forward, his hands slamming into the ground and heaved.  Black liquid poured out of his mouth, sliding across the ground like oil.  It reeked of darkness and blood.  He heaved again and more of the horrible stuff sloshed onto the ground, his stomach flipped.  </p>
<p>“Ventus!  Get over here!” Riku called.  Vanitas heard footsteps running to him, then a comforting hand on his back.  </p>
<p>“Hey, you’re okay Vanitas,” Ventus said softly to him.  It hurt, it hurt to have him so close.  Vanitas had hoped that Aqua would end him before Ven even knew, if only to save him the pain of seeing it happen.  But now Ven was here, protecting him.  Ven would never let any of the others end him.  And now here he was, heaving who knew what on the ground, his essence?  Or maybe just his blood.  </p>
<p>Finally, the heaving stopped.  He’d stopped actually expelling the blackness a while ago, but his body insisted that there was more in his stomach, so he was left dry heaving.  Ventus pulled Vanitas away from the mess and clutched him to his chest, where Vanitas stayed painting, their legs all tangled up.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong with him?” Ven asked.  </p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Riku said.   </p>
<p>A cool hand pressed to Vanitas’ forehead and he tried to growl, but it came out as more of a whimper. </p>
<p>“He’s burning up,” Riku said.  </p>
<p>“I don’t think he’s just sick,” Sora said.  Vanitas ignored them all, his mind was slipping anyway as he lost himself in the pain.  </p>
<p>______________________________________________________________________________________________________________</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s wrong with him?”  Ventus asked his friends.  He held Vanitas tight to his chest as the boy shook and shuddered, his breathing ragged. </p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Riku crouched down next to him and pressed a hand to Vanitas’ forehead.  “He’s burning up.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think he’s just sick,” Sora said, kneeling down on Ven’s other side.  </p>
<p>“No,” Riku agreed.  “This is something more.”  </p>
<p>Aqua and Terra stood a few feet away, arguing.  </p>
<p>“I think he’s in a lot of pain,” Ven said softly.  “This isn’t because Aqua tried to kill him?” Ven hated that he had to ask.  Riku shook his head.  </p>
<p>“I don’t think so.  This is probably because of something Xehanort did to bring him back.”  </p>
<p>“I think you’re right Riku,” Mickey said as he came up to them.  </p>
<p>“You’re majesty!” Ven said, a bit startled.  Mickey came over and pressed his hand to Vanitas’ head, and nodded solemnly.  </p>
<p>“We should take him to Yen Sid,” Mickey declared.  “He’s checking on the people who came back when we defeated their nobodies, but he will know what to do for Vanitas.”  </p>
<p>Ven nodded, and Vantias went still in his arms.  He looked down at him in fear.  </p>
<p>“He stopped shaking!” Ven said, his voice full of worry.  </p>
<p>“Let me see,” Riku said, gently prying Vanitas from Ven’s grasp and laying him on his back in the dust.  He gently placed a hand over Vanitas’ nose and mouth and let out a breath.  </p>
<p>“He’s still breathing,” Riku declared, relieved in his voice, and Ven sagged.  Riku carefully opened one of Vanitas’ eyes, but they were rolled up in his head. “He’s just unconscious,” Riku decided. </p>
<p>“He’s probably just faking it so we will let our guard down,” Aqua declared.  Ventus didn’t know when she had come over to their group. </p>
<p>“Aqua,” Mickey scolded. </p>
<p>“You can’t fake being unconscious,” Riku stated simply without looking at her.  Sora rested a hand on Ven’s shoulder.  </p>
<p>“He’s going to be okay Ven,” he assured softly.  </p>
<p>“Ven,” Riku drew his attention.  “I’m going to carry him okay?”  </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Ven said, his voice shaky, “we need to take him to Yen Sid.  </p>
<p>Riku scooped Vanitas off the ground, and held him to his chest.  Ven hated the way his head hung and his limbs had no life to them.  He’d always seen Vanitas full of movement and ready to spring, his muscles tense.  But now, with his whole body slack, Ven was scared.  He didn’t know what was wrong, and so didn’t know how to fix it.  His darker half seemed like he’d been really hurting.  </p>
<p>Together the group walked back to the camp, and found a place under an awning to set Vanitas down.  Ven sat with him and pulled his head gently into his lap.  Yen Sid, having been summoned over by Mickey, knelt next to the boys.  </p>
<p>“So this is Vanitas,” he said solemnly.  “Tell me what happened.”  Ven opened his mouth but no words came out.  Sora saved him.  </p>
<p>“Vanitas showed up on the edge of camp and Aqua attacked him, but Ven stopped her and then Vantias threw up this nastly black ooze, it smelled like darkness, and then Ven held him while he shook and then he passed out.”  </p>
<p>“That about sums it up,” Riku agreed.  </p>
<p>“Hmm” Yen Sid hummed thoughtfully.  “May I?” he asked gesturing to Vanitas.  Ven noded.  Yen Sid moved his hands over Vanitas’ body without touching him, and eventually settled over his chest.  </p>
<p>“What’s going on?” Kairi said rubbing sleep from her eyes as she came to stand by Sora.  She stopped dead when she saw Vanitas, her hands flying up to her mouth.  “Oh my gosh, his heart!” she said in horror.  </p>
<p>“So you see it too my dear,” Yen Sid said solemnly.  “As a princess of heart I suppose that only makes sense.” </p>
<p>“What’s wrong with his heart?” Ven asked. </p>
<p> “I’m afraid it is unstable.  It is falling apart.” Yen Sid said. </p>
<p>“What!” Ven yelled. “Why?”  </p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Yen Sid began.  “Perhaps Xehanort did something when he gathered the shattered remains of his heart and pieced them back together.  Perhaps he was holding the pieces together and with him gone, they are seperating again.  I do not know.  But unless something is done, he will die.”  </p>
<p>Vanitas gasped and sat up, holding his stomach.  He pitched forward and before Ven had recovered enough to catch him he was on his hands and knees, throwing up more blackness.  Everyone stepped back to avoid getting it on their shoes, and Ven rubbed Vanitas’ back, giving as much comfort as he could.  </p>
<p>“What can we do?”  Ven asked softly.  </p>
<p>“He is missing too much of his heart already,” Yen Sid said.  “We simply don’t have the power to repair it now.”  </p>
<p>Ven hated to ask, but he did, “Can I take him back?  Return him to my heart?”  Yen Sid shook his head.  </p>
<p>“No.  You two have been separate for too long.  You have both become your own people, and your hearts have changed and grown too far apart.  I’m afraid attempting to merge you back together would cause far more harm than good.” </p>
<p>Vanitas stopped heaving and turned to Ven, burying his head in his chest, all pretence of acting tough gone.  </p>
<p>“Just end me,” he said into Ven’s shirt. “Please just make the pain stop and end me.”   Ven, shocked, pulled Vanitas closer.  </p>
<p>“You know I’m not going to do that,” he said gently. </p>
<p>“It hurts Ven,” he said softly.  Ven couldn’t see his face but he could hear the tears in his voice.  “It’s always hurt but this is so much worse.  Please. Please just end me.”  </p>
<p>Ven couldn’t bear it.  He couldn’t bear the fear and pain in Vanitas’ voice, he couldn’t bear the pity and sorrow he saw on his friends faces.  So he made his choice.  </p>
<p>“I’m going to give him part of my heart,” he declared, looking at Yen Sid when he said it. </p>
<p>“That might work, however,” but before Ven could hear the rest of his thought, someone grabbed him and hauled him away from Vanitas.  </p>
<p>“You will do no such thing Ven,” Aqua had him under his arms and dragged him away, out into the waste.</p>
<p>“Aqua?” Ven asked, shocked.  “Let me go!”  </p>
<p>“No!”  Aqua spun him around, standing him up and clamping her hands to his biceps.  “I’m not going to lose you to him again!” she declared.  </p>
<p>“You won't!” Ven argued and shoved her off, marching back toward the camp. But Aqua grabbed his wrist and he spun around, ready to fight, but she twisted his arm around behind him, and before he knew what was happening, she had him face first on the ground, his arms behind his back and a knee pinning him down.  </p>
<p>“Aqua!  Lemme go!” he struggled against her but she held firm.  Ven could see the awning that Vanitas was under, could see Kairi and Sora comforting Vantias, and he could see Riku, Terra, and Mickey coming over to him.  </p>
<p>“Let him go Aqua,” Terra said firmly.  Ven couldn’t see but he guessed Aqua shook her head.  </p>
<p>“Don’t you see,” she said. “It’s Vanitas’ fault, all of our pain is Vanitas’ fault!  You getting taken by that monster, Ven losing his heart, me getting cast into darkness!  All of it!  I can’t just let Ven save him, I can’t lose Ven to that monster again.”  She was crying, Ven could tell she was crying.  </p>
<p>“It wasn’t Vanitas’ fault,” Ven declared from where she pressed him into the dirt.  </p>
<p>“He’s right,” Mickey said. “It was Xehnort’s fault, not Vanitas’.”</p>
<p>“And Xehanort is gone,” Riku added.  </p>
<p>“You don’t have to fight to get us back anymore,” Terra said softly.  “We’re here.”  </p>
<p>“Please Aqua,” Ven begged.  “He’s half of me, or was.  I can’t just let him die in pain.  Let me try.”  Aqua was really crying now, Ven could hear her shaky breaths.  She let him up, and Terra gathered her in his arms.  Riku helped Ven up and he ran back to Vanitas.   </p>
<p>He was unconscious again, his head in Kairi’s lap while she gently brushed his hair out of his closed eyes.  She let Ven take her place, helping him get the mop of black hair comfortably in his lap.  Yen Sid had not moved during the altercation and was fixedly studding Vanitas’ slowly rising and falling chest. But now he moved his gaze up to Ven’s.  </p>
<p>“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked.  “It will probably stop his heart from further decay, but it will still be very weak, and you will be making your own heart weak as well.  It may take years of healing before either of you are back to full strength. And there are always unforeseen consequences of this type of heart sharing.  Sora and Roxas are proof of that.”  </p>
<p>“So am I,” Ven said.  “I’m willing to risk it.  I’ve lost enough people.  I’m not going to just sit here and lose him too.”  </p>
<p>“Very well,” Yen Sid said, sitting back.  Sora put a hand on Ven's shoulder.  </p>
<p>“You can do this,” he said firmly.  Ven nodded back.  </p>
<p>“I know,” he said, and closed his eyes.  </p>
<p>He dove into his heart, and found the chain that still bound him to Vanitas.  It had grown faint, smoke curling off of it, but he took it up and opened his heart to the bond.  </p>
<p>To the others, it looked like Ven’s chest was glowing, and then that glow passed to Vanitas, before sinking below his skin, into his heart.  </p>
<p>Ven opened his eyes, and started to tip to the side, but firm hands caught him.  </p>
<p>“Woah, you okay?” Sora asked.  </p>
<p>“Ye.. yeah,” Ven managed, sitting back up.  “Just tired.”  He looked down at Vanitas.  A little color had come back to his skin, and his face was no longer pinched in pain.  His breathing had evened out, but he still had a fever.  Riku pressed a hand to Vanitas’ forehead.  </p>
<p>“He’s still warm,” he said, worry in his voice.  </p>
<p>“He is still ill from his ordeal,” Yen Sid agreed.  “But that’s nothing a bit of rest won’t fix.”  Ven relaxed at that.  </p>
<p>“And his heart?” Ven asked.  </p>
<p>“It is stable,” Yen Sid confirmed.  “But you both will need a lot of rest.  Speaking of, everyone needs a lot of rest.  We will start gathering our things and boarding the gummi ships,” Yen Sid stood up, all business again.  “Riku, will you spread the word that we are to be leaving soon?” </p>
<p>“Of course master,” Riku said with a bow and left.  </p>
<p>“And Sora, go and prepare the Highwind, you will be taking those with keyblades back to my tower to rest and recover.  I will take those used by Xehnort in Mickey’s ship back to Ienzo.  He will know how best to help them.” </p>
<p>“On it!” Sora hurried off.  Yen Sid watched him go before nodding to Ven and leaving to prepare.  </p>
<p>“Are you okay Ven?” Kairi asked, he’d almost forgotten she was there, she was so quiet.  </p>
<p>“Yeah, just tired,” he said, rubbing his eyes.  She nodded thoughtfully.  </p>
<p>“You should rest, I’ll let you know when we are ready to go.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Ven agreed and lay down next to Vanitas, falling asleep the moment his head hit the ground.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Vanitas never say the words death, die, or kill and instead says things like, 'end me' because he doesn't think of himself as truly alive. Anyway, let me know what you think. Reviews are a writers fuel!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. What is food?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning for mention of self harm scars</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lea watched Ven and Vanitas sleep a bit before waking them.  Riku had come and woken him and his friends up and explained what they had missed.  Lea had slept through a lot of things, but a heart exchange was a new one. </p>
<p>Seeing Roxas’ face on another boy was strange, although he supposed it was Ven’s face first.  And Vanitas looked so much like Sora, especially in his sleep.  His face was a bit gaunter than the brunette, and of course Vanitas’ hair was black, but it consisted of the same unruly spikes.  Overall though, Vanitas looked like shit.  His body suit was ripped in several places, revealing cuts and scars, and the guard around his chin was cracked.  His hair was matted with blood, or some other dark liquid, and the bruises under his eyes were harsh and deep.  </p>
<p>“Why do I always get stuck with babysitting duty,” Lea muttered softly to himself and crouched down next to Ven.  He shook his shoulder to wake him.  </p>
<p>“What?” Ven muttered, still half asleep.  </p>
<p>“Riku asked me to wake you up,” Lea explained.  “We’re heading to the gummi ship now.”  </p>
<p>Ventus sat up and rubbed at his eyes.  He looked over at Vanitas and let out a deep sigh that Lea couldn’t tell the meaning of, relief or worry?  </p>
<p>“He’s still out?” Ven asked.  </p>
<p>“I didn’t try to wake him,” Lea explained.  “Figured he wouldn’t take well to a stranger yet.”  </p>
<p>Ven nodded.  “I’d rather not wake him if we can.  He needs to sleep.”  </p>
<p>“Sure,” Lea agreed.  “Want me to carry him?” he offered.  Ven nodded.  </p>
<p>“Yeah, he’s the same height as me, so carrying him could be awkward.  Plus I don’t think I’m strong enough right now,” Ven’s face flushed at those words, but Lea ignored it.  He scooped up Vanitas, careful not to wake him, but the dark haired boy didn’t even stir.  Lea worried that was a bad sign, but decided not to mention it to Ven.  </p>
<p>Ventus stood and leaned a bit on Lea for support.  The taller man was more than capable of supporting him even while carrying Vanitas.  Together they walked to the Highwind which had been modified with a larger cabin to bring them all here.  However, the seating had only been increased to nine, which had been more than enough to get Sora, Riku, Kairi, Donald, Goofy, Aqua, Ven, and himself to the graveyard.  King Mickey had taken his own ship.  Donald and Goofy were going with the king to take the recovered nobodies to Ienzo, which freed up a few seats, but with the addition of Vanitas, Roxas, Xion, and Terra, that brought the group of the Highwind to ten, one more than the seating could handle.  </p>
<p>Lea shook all this math from his head, it’d never been his strong suit, and marched into the mostly empty ship.  Riku was there fiddling with the control panel, but he was too focused to do more than wave a hand back at them.  Lea lowered Vanitas into one of the seats behind the captain's chair, there were two rows of four now, and Ven plopped down next to his darker half.  Lea made sure his charge was securely buckled in; he didn’t know who was flying them back, but if they were half the reckless flyer Sora was, Vanitas was going to need it.    </p>
<p>Lea left the two to go find his own friends, who were busy helping get the mostly unconscious somebodies onto Mickey's ship.  They were all bound, except for Isa, who had woken up a while ago and talked to Lea for a bit.  Lea knew his friend was sorry, but he wasn’t ready to forgive him yet, so he was going to Ienzo’s to help the others first while Lea sorted out his feelings.  </p>
<p>Lea found Roxas and Xion as they were finishing up with Mickey’s ship.  They both grinned when they saw him and he grinned right back.  His heart swelled with happiness whenever he saw them, a feeling which only made him happier because it meant he truly had a heart again.  </p>
<p>“You two ready to go?” he asked as they rushed in for a hug, they seemed unable, or maybe just unwilling, to stop hugging him every chance they got.  </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Roxas said.  “We’re all finished here.”  </p>
<p>“Yup,” Xion agreed.  Lea still felt a pang of guilt every time he remembered how he’d forgotten her, even though he knew it wasn’t his fault.  He’d spent so much time trying to get Roxas back, and absolutely none even remembering he had a second friend.  </p>
<p>Lea pushed those dark thoughts away and threw his arms around his friends; one bad thing about having a heart again is that it’s a double edged blade.  Together they boarded the Highwind.  They were the last ones to enter.  Aqua and Terra were already in the seats behind Ventus and Vanitas, the former of which appeared to have fallen back asleep.  Sora had joined Riku standing at the control panel fiddling with something, and Kairi was sitting in one of the seats next to Ventus.  </p>
<p>Roxas and Xion took the two seats next to Aqua, so Lea was forced to sit next to Kairi, not that he minded her company, but he’d rather be next to his friends, not that he could ask anyone else to move.  </p>
<p>“I’m driving this time,” Riku declared as he took the captain's chair.  </p>
<p>“Finnnne” Sora whined turning around and realizing the problem for the first time.  “Uh, there aren’t any other seats.” he said dumbly.  Riku snorted. </p>
<p>“I know,” he said.  Sora got this look on his face that Lea knew meant he was thinking.  Then his expression changed to plotting.  He climbed onto Riku’s lap with much complaining from the older boy, till Sora was sitting backwards in the chair, his chin resting on Riku’s shoulder.  </p>
<p>“There,” he announced.  “You still have your hands free to drive, and I have mine to do this,” he pulled out his gummi phone and began playing a game.  He winked at Kairi and Lea had to stifle a laugh.  He’d figure one of those two would make a move eventually, they were clearly into each other, but this was not what he’d been expecting.  </p>
<p>“Fine,” Riku sighed and pressed a button to close the back hatch and lock everyone inside.  </p>
<p>“Yen Sid’s tower here we come!” Sora exclaimed as they took off for the lanes between. </p>
<p>____________________________________________________________________________</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ventus woke up to the sound of heavy metal music blaring through the gummi ship.  He opened his eyes and met Sora’s.  He was sitting backward on Riku’s lap playing a game on his gummi phone.  </p>
<p>“Morning Ven!” he said cheerily when he noticed his friend was awake.  </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Ven said, his throat dry.  “Who’s music is that?”  </p>
<p>“Mine,” Sora said.  “Is it too loud?”  Sora fiddled with his phone and the volume dropped to tolerable levels.  </p>
<p>“I didn’t take you for the heavy metal type,” Ventus said.  </p>
<p>“Riku introduced me to it,” Sora explained.  “I like the beat.”  Ventus was still reeling from this discovery of his friend's unexpected tastes when Riku announced, “We’re here.”  </p>
<p>They landed gently outside of Yen Sid’s tower.  Ventus had only been here briefly while they planned for the attack on the thirteen darknesses.  </p>
<p>The next hour was a blur of activity.  Riku carried Vanitas into the tower and Ventus followed them into a room near the bottom with two beds on one wall and an attached bathroom.  Ven helped Riku get Vanitas out of the nasty body suit and both boys were shocked to find that Vanitas’ body was covered in scars.  Some, like the ones on his forearms looked like they had been made himself, while others looked like the claws of a great beast, heartless or unversed most likely, and others were the rougher wounds of a keyblade.  Ventus felt sick.  </p>
<p>“What did Xehanort do to him?” Ventus asked softly.  </p>
<p>“I don’t think I want to know,” Riku said, digging a first aid kit out from the closet.  He washed and bandaged the fresher wounds, while Ventus dug through the closet for some clothes to put Vanitas in and some for himself.  The closet seemed to know what it’s owners liked, and so Ventus found one half was full of black and red clothes, while the other had things he would like, black and white with bronze accents.  He pulled out a black t-shirt and sweatpants for Vanitas, and something similarly comfortable for himself.  </p>
<p>“Are you good if I take a shower?” Ventus asked, not wanting to leave Riku alone with Vanitas if he would be uncomfortable.  </p>
<p>“Of course,” Riku said as he cleaned a gash across Vanitas’ chest, where far too many similar wounds had been inflicted.  Ventus hesitated a moment before deciding he really did need a shower.  When he came out again, Riku was gone, and Vanitas was dressed and still sleeping under a light blanket. </p>
<p>Ventus sat on the bed with him and ran his fingers through the inky black hair.  It was filthy and a shower would be the first order of business when Vantias woke up, but for now it would have to wait.  Ventus hated the thought of leaving Vanitas alone on the off chance he woke up soon, but his stomach drove him downstairs into the kitchen where all hell had broken loose.  </p>
<p>Lea, Kairi, and a sentient broom were all attempting to make dinner.  Riku and Sora were pressed together at a table talking in hushed tones and blushing a lot.  Roxas and Xion were sitting at the counter giving advice to Lea, who was stirring a heavily smoking pot.  Donald, Goofy, and Mickey had returned and were sitting at another table loudly talking about nothing in particular.  Terra was sitting at a table by himself carving something out of wood, and Aqua was nowhere to be seen.  Ventus sighed and joined Terra at his table. </p>
<p>“Is Aqua still mad?” Ven asked softly.  Terra looked up at him and sighed, setting down his project; it didn’t look like anything yet.  </p>
<p>“She’s not mad at you Ven,” he said gently.  </p>
<p>“No,” Ventus agreed, crossing his arms on the table and resting his chin on them.  “She’s mad at Vanitas.”  Terra sighed again.  </p>
<p>“She’s not mad at anyone,” he clarified.  “She’s just scared.”  </p>
<p>“What’s left to be afraid of?” Ventus asked, his temper rising.  “We defeated master Xehanort, we got you back,  Vanitas isn’t our enemy anymore.  We should all be a family again.”  </p>
<p>“It’s not that simple for her,” Terra said gently.  “I know you want to trust Vanitas now, and I know there’s more to the reason he attacked us than just hate.  I don’t remember a lot from being Xehanort’s vessel, but some of his memories from before are still in my head, and I remember bits and pieces from the time while he was controlling me.  And what I remember of how he treated Vanitas...  Well, it’s not good.  I told Aqua what I remembered, but she still needs time to process.  Seeing Vanitas awake and not attacking anyone will help.”</p>
<p>“But she doesn’t trust him yet,” Ventus grumbled.  </p>
<p>“Yeah, and that’s not anyone’s fault,” Terra agreed.  Ventus sighed and Terra placed a hand on his shoulder.  “Just give her time,” Terra assured.  “She’ll see.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Ven said, without much enthusiasm.  </p>
<p>“Dinner’s ready!” Kairi declared.  </p>
<p>“Wait!  I’m not done!” Lea protested.  </p>
<p>“No one wants to eat your burnt soup Axel,” she teased.</p>
<p>“It’s spaghetti!” he shot back indignant. </p>
<p>Someone placed a plate of pizza in front of Ventus and he inhaled it.  Conversation ebbed and flowed for a while.  Sora slapped Ven on the back at one point and asked how he and Vanitas were doing, and everything felt like it would be okay.  Ventus went to sleep that night feeling that things were finally looking up.  </p>
<p>____________________________________________________________________________</p>
<p>Vanitas woke up as sunlight shone through a window onto his face.  Immediately his body tensed with fear, and his muscles screamed with protest.  He was sore, and his head spun.  He forced himself to sit up in bed, and found that while his body was stiff, and he felt weak, he wasn’t in pain anymore.  There were little hurts, the various cuts and bruises he’d acquired in the battle to form the X Blade, but agony in his chest was gone.  The pain he’d always felt from the moment he was created had disappeared as well.  He felt, fine.  </p>
<p>He pressed a hand to his head to stop the spinning and tried to swallow, but his throat was dry.  He needed water.  Vanitas looked around the space to try to figure out where he was.  It was a strange room.  One wall, the one with the window that had rudely awoken him, was slightly curved.  He was in a bed press to the curved wall and another bed was to his left, against the wall with a door.  Another door was on the wall that both bed’s head boards touched, but this door was open and looked like it led to a bathroom.  A closet was open opposite the bathroom full of clothes.  There was a table with a few chairs in the middle of the room.  </p>
<p>Vanitas turned his focus to the other bed, where a head of bronze hair stuck up from under the blanket.  Ventus.  Vanitas could feel the chain that bound them.  It was stronger now than it had ever been before and Vanitas remembered the events of the previous day.  Much of it was fuzzy, but he could vaguely remember a conversation about hearts, and Ventus offering part of his to Vanitas.  </p>
<p>“That bastard,” Vanitas croaked softly.  He really needed water, but when he tried to swing his legs out of bed, his muscles protested and his head swam.  So he grabbed his pillow and flung it at Ventus as hard as he could.  It hit his other half square in the back and flopped onto the floor.  Ventus started to stir and Vanitas croaked, “Wake up jerk.”  </p>
<p>“Vanitas?” Ventus mumbled and rolled over.  Golden eyes met blue and Ventus smiled.  “You’re awake!”</p>
<p>“No thanks to you,” Vanitas muttered.  </p>
<p>“What?” Ventus asked as he sat up.  </p>
<p>“Get me some water,” Vanitas said louder.  </p>
<p>“Oh, sure!” Ventus agreed and swung his feet out of bed, tossing Vanitas back is pillow.  He went into the bathroom and Vanitas heard water running.  </p>
<p>“Here,” Ventus handed him a glass of water and Vanitas reached out for it, his hand halting when he saw his arm and realized it was bare.  Every awful, horrible scar he’d carved into his skin was on display.  Did Ventus know he’d made those scars himself?  He looked up to Ventus who was still smiling dumbly at him and decided he didn't.  He took the glass and almost dropped it, but Ventus caught it, wrapping his fingers around his. </p>
<p>“Whoa, you okay?” he asked, and Vanitas hated the worry that laced his other halfs voice.  </p>
<p>“Fine,” Vanitas muttered, pulling his hand out of Ventus’ grasp and emptying the glass.  Ventus took it back and set it on the side table.  He pressed his hand to Vanitas’ forehead and he swatted it away. </p>
<p>“Stop that,” Ventus said.  “I’m checking to see if you still have a fever.”</p>
<p>“You have a fever,” Vanitas muttered, but he let Ventus check his temperature.  Ventus frowned, then pressed a hand to his own forehead.  </p>
<p>“I think you’re right,” he said.  </p>
<p>“Huh?” Vanitas said.  </p>
<p>“I think I do have a fever,” Ventus clarified.  He shook his head and Vanitas realized for the first time just how tired he looked.  “I’m going to go find a thermometer.  Don’t go anywhere.”  </p>
<p>“Believe me, I would if I could,” Vanitas muttered at Ven’s retreating form.  Vantias ran his hands along his forearms, wishing for his long sleeves and his gloves to hide what he’d done to himself while he waited for Ven to come back.  When he did, he wasn’t alone.  Riku was with him.  </p>
<p>“How are you feeling Vanitas?” He asked, and Vanitas flipped him off.  Riku made a face like he wasn’t sure how to react to that, and Ven scolded him.  </p>
<p>“Vanitas, that’s rude.”</p>
<p>“That’s the point,” he fired back.  </p>
<p>“Here,” Riku said, holding out a small white object.  “Put this under your tongue and keep it there.”  Vanitas took the thing and eyed it with distrust.  </p>
<p>“Why?” he asked.  </p>
<p>“It’s a thermometer.  It’ll measure your temperature so we know if you’re sick,” Riku explained gently.  </p>
<p>“Just do it Vanitas,” Ven said from where he’d climbed back into bed.  Vanitas sighed and figured they wouldn’t stop pestering him till he did it so he stuck the thing under his tongue.  After a few seconds it beeped and Riku took it back.  </p>
<p>“One hundred and two,” he said with a frown, and handed the thermometer to Ventus who wiped it off before popping it into his mouth.  </p>
<p>“Is that bad?” Vanitas asked.  </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Riku said.  “You’ll need to take some medicine,” he said, holding up a bottle of orange liquid.  The thermometer beeped again and Ventus breathed out, “One hundred.”  Riku hummed and poured some of the orange liquid into a small clear cup and handed it to Ventus, then he handed one to Vanitas who looked at the thing with disgust.  </p>
<p>“Drink it,” Riku urged.  Vanitas looked to Ventus who downed the stuff in one go and made a face.  </p>
<p>“Can’t they make medicine that doesn’t taste nasty?” he asked, handing the cup back to Riku.  Not to be outdone Vanitas drank the medicine.  It was indeed gross and he did his best not to make a face.  Riku took the cup.  </p>
<p>“Kairi and Xion are making breakfast,” Riku said as he headed to the door.  “You two stay here, I’ll bring you food in a bit.”  And with that, he left, closing the door behind him.  </p>
<p>Ventus flopped back in his bed, “This sucks,” he declared.  “I hate being sick.”  Vanitas wasn’t sure what part of his current weakness was him being sick, or the ordeal his heart had just gone through, speaking of.  </p>
<p>“I didn’t ask you to save me,” he told Ventus coldly.  </p>
<p>“Huh?” Ventus said, sitting up against his pillows.  </p>
<p>“I didn’t ask you to save me, you moron,” he repeated.  “I told you to end me, not bind me to you.”</p>
<p>“Vanitas,” Ven said, worry creasing his face.  “I wasn’t going to let you die.”  </p>
<p>“Well I didn’t ask for this!” Vanitas was getting aggravated.  “I didn’t want to stick around.  I’m done!  I wasn’t supposed to exist in the first place!”  Ventus frowned at him for a moment before speaking.  </p>
<p>“Vanitas.  You’re here now though, so you deserve a chance to live.”</p>
<p>“Why?” Vanitas asked.  “I’m an abomination.  You should have let Aqua end me.”  </p>
<p>“I’m not going to let anyone hurt you anymore Vanitas.  Just because you’re not a normal person doesn’t mean you have to die.  You were hurting, and I wanted to help you.  It was the only thing I could do to save you, to keep you alive.”  Ventus looked hurt, but Vanitas needed him to understand.  </p>
<p>“No, you didn’t.  You didn’t have to save me.”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t going to let you die!” Ventus said, anger rising in his voice now.  </p>
<p>“It’s not death if I’m not really alive!” Vanitas finally yelled, and Ventus looked stunned.  He got out of his bed and Vanitas pressed himself against the wall as Ventus sat down next to him, every instinct telling him to run.  But Ventus slowly drew him into a hug.  Vantias tried to pull away but Ventus held firm.  </p>
<p>“Of course you are alive Vanitas,” he said gently.  “I don’t know what you’ve been told, or made to believe, but you’ve always been alive.  And I’m so sorry I didn’t try to help you sooner.  I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through, and if I could take it all away I could.  But I can’t, so I’m going to make sure no one ever hurts you again, even if that means I have to protect you from yourself.”  </p>
<p>Vanitas stopped trying to pull away.  Ven knew.  He knew what Vanitas had done to himself.  Vanitas felt an emotion rise up in his chest that he had never felt before, sadness.  Before, before Ventus had shared his heart, all Vanitas could feel was fear, and anger.  But now the sadness bubbled up in his heart and he had no idea how to hold it back.  It rose up and he cried.  Ventus held him while Vanitas let out the years of pent up sorrow he didn’t know he had.  And that was how Riku found them a bit later, bringing food.  </p>
<p>“I don’t mean to interrupt,” Riku said, and Vanitas immediately shoved Ven off.  Ven stumbled backwards, managing to get his feet under him and land back on his bed.  Vanitas turned away from them as he scrubbed at his eyes.  Riku politely gave Ventus a tray of food first while Vanitas got himself under control.  When he turned back to Riku, he glared.  </p>
<p>“You saw nothing,” he insisted with a growl.  </p>
<p>“Of course not,” Riku agreed and gave him a tray of food.  Vanitas glared at it.  He’d never needed to eat before, creatures of darkness didn’t need it.  But now there was something he guessed was hunger gnawing at his stomach.  He looked to Ventus as Riku left and found him devouring his food.  Ventus looked at him, his mouth full and said, “What?”</p>
<p>“What is this?” Vanitas asked, poking his finger into the soft golden circle.  Ventus cocked his head at him. </p>
<p>“Those are pancakes,” Ventus said, confusion in his voice.  “How do you not know what a pancake is?”  Vanitas shrugged.  Ventus looked at him more.  “Have you ever eaten before?”  Vanitas glared daggers at him.  </p>
<p>“What do you fucking think!?”  To his horror, Ventus started to laugh.  </p>
<p>“Oh my gosh, I have so much to show you!”  He pointed at the pancakes on his plate.  “So these are pancakes.  You put syrup on them and they’re soft and fluffy and delicious.”  He poked the yellow stuff next to the pancakes with a fork.  “These are eggs.  They come from chickens.”  He poked the brownish red strips next.  “This is bacon.  You’ll probably like it.”  And finally he held up the glass of orange liquid that gave Vanitas flashbacks to the nasty medicine.  “And this is orange Juice.”  </p>
<p>Vanitas looked at his own plate.  He grabbed his fork and watched how Ventus used it to cut a piece off the pancake and did the same.  It was okay, a bit too sweet for him.  He tried the eggs next, these he liked better.  But once he tried the bacon he decided it was definitely his favorite.  He was hesitant to try the orange juice, but he didn’t want to look like a wimp in front of Ventus, so he did, and found it was much better than the medicine.  </p>
<p>Eventually he set the tray on the ground and Ventus frowned at him.  “You didn’t eat very much,” he commented.  Vanitas had eaten all of the bacon and most of the eggs, but he’d barely touched the pancakes.  </p>
<p>“I’m full,” he lied.  The truth was, after a bit, he found the process of eating to be a pain.  </p>
<p>“Okay,” Ventus said, setting his own empty tray on the floor.  “You should probably get some more rest if you want to get better.”  Ventus said, and Vanitas decided that getting better sounded like a good idea, so he lay down and faced the wall.  He heard Ventus rustling around a bit, and ignored him.  </p>
<p>Vanitas thought back to how he’d broken down in front of Ventus.  Speaking of, he’d done the same thing back at the keyblade graveyard.  Something about being around Ventus seemed to make him weak, which Vanitas couldn’t stand.  As he fell back asleep, Vanitas decided that as soon as he was strong enough, he was getting as far away from Ventus as he could.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I’ve struggled a little bit to find a balance between our usual asshole Vanitas and broken Vanitas, something I’ll keep working on.  Part of it is all the new emotions Vanitas is going to have to deal with now that his heart has a bit of light in it.  Let me know what you think, I love hearing from you!  It makes my day.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Hurts and Friends</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning for self harm later in the chapter, a warning will come before the section.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Vanitas woke up again, it was to lunch. He picked at his grilled cheese and tomato soup while Ventus scarfed his down. Where he put the food Vanitas was starting to wonder. After Ven pestered him to eat more, he declared it was time for Vanitas to take a shower. Vanitas had never taken a shower, being a creature of darkness apparently came with a lot more perks than he had ever realized. But now he was a more normal human, and they got dirty. So Vanitas stood in the bathroom while Ven explained what exactly he was expected to do.</p><p>Vanitas had to admit, the hot water was really nice. He liked the scalding heat, and watching the blood and congealed darkness run off his body and down the drain. When he got out, Ven sat him on the closed toilet and re-wrapped his wounds. This time when Vanitas dressed, he chose the clothes himself, a long sleeve shirt was a must. He was sick of seeing his scars. The whole affair wore away at what little strength he’d managed to recover so he went back to napping.</p><p>When dinner time rolled around, Riku checked their temperatures again and declared that they were both fever free and should join the rest of the group in the kitchen for dinner. Vanitas was less than pleased about this, but Ven literally dragged him down the stairs.</p><p>The kitchen/dining room was full of people, and Vanitas threw up his mental walls. Ven pushed him into a chair across from Riku and Sora and sat with him. Aqua and Terra were on the other side of the room. Vanitas could feel the blue haired girl’s eyes boring into the back of his head.</p><p>“Riku said you two are finally feeling better!” Sora grinned at him.</p><p>“Yeah, I think Vanitas is still tired though,” Ven said cheerily. Vanitas grunted</p><p>“You do look tired,” Sora said, getting in Vanitas’ face. He pressed a palm to the boy’s forehead and shoved him away.</p><p>“Tired of you and your ugly mug,” Vanitas grumbled.</p><p>“Hey,” Sora said indignantly. Riku tried to cover a laugh. Vanitas scowled, he wasn’t trying to be funny.</p><p>“Personal space Sora,” Riku chided as he pulled the boy all the way back in his seat. Sora huffed.</p><p>“You guys are mean,” he complained.</p><p>“So what did we miss?” Ven asked, changing the subject.</p><p>“Nothing much,” Riku began. “Mickey, Donald, and Goofy went back home to Disney castle, but they promised to check on us. Some of the groups are talking about going home too, but I don’t think anyone is ready yet.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Sora said, throwing his arms behind his head. “It’d be nice to go back to Destiny islands soon, but I’m still so jumpy. I don’t think my body quite gets that it’s all over you know?”</p><p>“Yeah, I think I understand that,” Ven agreed. Vanitas flinched violently when someone slapped him on the back. He stood up and whirled, his keyblade in his hands.</p><p>“He lives, WOAH!” Lea said as Vanitas spun on him. He threw his hands up in surrender. “Easy there. I’m sorry I scared you.” Vanitas recognized the red head as one of the seven lights, but not one he’d personally fought. He poked the taller male in the chest with the end of his key blade.</p><p>“Don’t touch me,” he growled. The rest of the room had gone silent as they watched the altercation unfold. Vanitas saw that Aqua was standing, her keyblade in hand. The only thing holding her back was Terra’s hand wrapped around her wrist.</p><p>“Sorry,” Lea said again. Ven pulled on Vanitas’ shirt.</p><p>“Sit down,” he hissed. “Lea didn’t mean it.” Vanitas shoved the man back with his keyblade before dismissing it and sitting down again. His entire body was stiff, and he glared at the table. Slowly the room went back to their conversations. Lea sat down at the end of the table next to Vanitas, who glared at him, but the redhead ignored it.</p><p>“Anyway,” Lea said slowly. “I just wanted to check on you guys, since I was the one to carry your unconscious butt into the gummi ship,” he looked pointedly at Vanitas.</p><p>“Not like I fucking asked you to,” Vanitas muttered, looking away from Lea and glaring at the table again.</p><p>“Yeah well, if you’re well enough to swear I guess you’re fine,” he decided.</p><p>“Thanks again for your help Lea,” Ven said leaning over Vanitas to get closer to Lea. Vanitas roughly shoved him back into his seat.</p><p>“Any time,” Lea said. Then the conversation drifted back to what everyone wanted to do once they had recovered their strength and their nerves. Vanitas tuned them out. He rested his chin in his hand and stared absently at the wall. An uncomfortable sense of dread made him look back at the table across the room.</p><p>Aqua was still glaring at him, and her eyes narrowed when he looked at her. She was fuming, and Terra was talking at her but she didn’t seem to be listening. Vanitas sighed and turned back to his table.</p><p>“What is it Vani?” Ven asked.</p><p>“Don’t call me that!” Vanitas snapped.</p><p>“Ugh, fine. But what were you lookin at?”</p><p>“Your guard dog,” Vanitas muttered.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Your blue haired guard dog,” Vanitas gestured to Aqua without looking back. Ven looked where he indicated.</p><p>“You mean Aqua?” Sora asked, also looking at the girl.</p><p>“She’s been sending me death glares all night,” Vanitas said. Ven sighed.</p><p>“I’ll go talk to her,” he said, getting up from the table.</p><p>“Oh I don’t want to miss this,” Lea said, also getting up and following Ven. Vanitas didn’t bother turning around to watch, but Riku and Sora both looked over his shoulders at what Vanitas knew was an incoming disaster.</p><p>Sure enough, after a few minutes of hushed conversation, the screech of a chair violently sliding sounded in the room, and for the second time that night, everyone went silent. Aqua stalked over to Vanitas’ table and slammed her hands down in front of him. Vanitas slowly turned his golden eyes on her.</p><p>“What?” he demanded.</p><p>“You know very well what,” she said, anger the only emotion in her voice.</p><p>“No, I really don’t,” he said slowly, as if he was bored.</p><p>“Aqua!” Ven appeared at her side and tried to tug her away, but she shoved him off.</p><p>“This act you’re putting on,” Aqua went on. “Everyone else might be falling for it, but I’m not.”</p><p>“You really think that highly of me?” Vanitas turned a shit eating grin on her. “I’m flattered you think I have that level of acting skills.” He kept the grin on his face even as she grabbed the front of his shirt with both hands and hauled him up.</p><p>“You think this is a game?” she growled. Vanitas' expression turned dark. Riku and Sora both shot to their feet.</p><p>“Aqua!” Riku demanded, but she and Vanitas ignored him. She’d lifted him off his feet now, and Vanitas grabbed her wrists to keep his shirt from choking him.</p><p>“I think,” Vanitas said slowly, “that you have absolutely no fucking clue what in the hell you are talking about.”</p><p>“You are dangerous, and I don’t want you around Ven,” she said.</p><p>“Fine,” Vanitas growled, tightening his grip on her wrists and twisting till she let him go. “It’s not like I want to be here in the first place!” He spun for the door, Ven and Sora calling after him but he didn’t listen. He was out the front door to the tower and down the front steps before they could follow. He made it halfway across the lawn, dodging around bushes, before his legs gave out and he crashed to his knees under a tree.</p><p>“Vanitas!” Ven called from the doorway. Vanitas’ vision swam, but he heard Ven’s footsteps as he ran over to him. “Shit are you okay?” Ventus asked as he knelt in front of him.</p><p>“Fuck off,” Vanitas said weakly. Ventus gripped his wrists, and Vanitas realized his own hands were shaking.</p><p>“Are you bleeding?” Ven said as he wiped something from the corner of Vanitas’ mouth. It wasn’t blood.</p><p>“Darkness,” Vanitas muttered looking at the inky blackness on Ventus’ hand.</p><p>“That’s not good,” Ventus said.</p><p>“Ven!” Riku’s voice called from the tower.</p><p>“Over here!” Ventus called over Vanitas’ head. Vanitas saw spots dance in his vision as Riku tilted his head back and looked into his eyes.</p><p>“His pupils are dilated,” Riku decided. Vanitas attempted to shove him off but missed and unbalanced, falling on his side in the grass. He rolled onto his back and stared up at the stars.</p><p>“This sucks,” he muttered before he slipped into unconsciousness.</p><hr/><p>“Damnit Aqua,” Ven swore as Vanitas passed out in the grass, blackness leaking from between his clenched teeth.</p><p>“Let's put him on his side so he doesn’t choke,” Riku advised and together they rolled him over. Sure enough, more darkness spilled from his mouth and pooled under his head.</p><p>“And I just got him to wash his hair,” Ven muttered.</p><p>“Ven! Riku!” Sora called.</p><p>“Over here Sora!” Riku called.</p><p>“Crap, is he okay?” Sora asked as he knelt with his friends.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Riku said. “Will you go get master Yen Sid?”</p><p>“Sure,” Sora said, standing up and running back inside.</p><p>“Did he just over extend himself?” Ven asked helplessly.</p><p>“I hope that’s all it is,” Riku said. “How are you feeling?” He turned his blue green eyes on Ven.</p><p>“I’m fine,” Ven said. “A bit tired maybe, but I was just sick.” He shrugged. Riku hummed. They sat in silence for a moment. Ventus pulled his darker half’s head into his lap. Darkness was still leaking out of his mouth and was going to ruin Ven’s pants, but he didn’t care.</p><p>“Riku! Ven! I brought master Yen Sid!” Sora rushed back over to them and knelt next Ven. “Is he still unconscious?”</p><p>“Master,” Riku greeted, glancing away from Vanitas for a second to make eye contact with the magician.</p><p>“What happened this time?” Yen Sid asked as he knelt and placed a hand on Vanitas’ chest. “There was quite a commotion in the kitchen when I passed.”</p><p>“Are they still fighting?” Riku asked, looking to Sora.</p><p>“Yeah,” Sora said sadly. “There’s going to be a lot more hurt feelings after this.</p><p>“Master Yen Sid,” Ventus began. “Aqua picked a fight with Vanitas, they didn’t hurt each other or anything, but they both said some nasty things, and Aqua told Vanitas to get out, so he did. When I caught up to him, he was on his knees and shaking. Then darkness started to leak out of his mouth,” he wiped at the blackness still leaking between the boy's lips.</p><p>“His pupils were dilated,” Riku added. “Then he just passed out.”</p><p>“Hmm,” Yen Sid hummed. “His heart does not appear to be falling apart as it was before. I don’t see a reason why he would collapse like this other than the fact he is still missing quite a bit of his heart.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Sora asked.</p><p>“When he found us back in the keyblade graveyard, Vanitas was missing nearly two thirds of his heart, and more was slipping away. Ventus was able to give him just under a third of his own heart, the maximum amount a person can survive without, which brought Vanitas’ heart back to a barely stable state. Both Ventus and Vanitas are now missing a third of their hearts. However, all of Ventus’ heart is light, while only half of Vanitas’ heart is. Moreover, Ventus is missing a clean chunk of his heart, but Vanitas’ heart is more shattered, making it weaker. Hopefully over time, both of you will regrow what is missing from your hearts, Ventus, I can already see signs of this in you, but Vanitas’ body is still weak, so he has yet to start the process.”</p><p>“I think I understand,” Ven said. “Vanitas’ heart is just really weak? It couldn’t take the strain of confronting Aqua?”</p><p>“I believe that is correct,” Yen Sid agreed. “Did Vanitas summon his keyblade during the fight?”</p><p>“Not with Aqua,” Ven said.</p><p>“But he summoned it before when Axel scared him,” Sora cut in. Ventus nodded in agreement.</p><p>“That would also help explain Vanitas’ current state. Even that little bit of magic is too much for him right now. Ventus, I also recommend you refrain from summoning your keyblade until you have recovered more.”</p><p>“Okay,” Ven agreed.</p><p>“Is it safe to move him master?” Riku asked. Yen Sid nodded.</p><p>“He is merely exhausted.”</p><p>“What about the darkness?” Sora asked. Vanitas had stopped drooling the stuff into Ven’s lap, and it was starting to congeal.</p><p>“I believe it is a side effect of his original creation. He is likely to continue to expel the darkness until his heart settles and begins to heal.” Riku nodded at this and scooped Vanitas up. His hair and the side of his face was plastered with the gunk, and it got on Riku’s shirt, but he didn’t seem to care. Ven and Sora followed Riku back inside. They passed the kitchen on their way up the stairs, but the room was dark and empty. Once they made it back to their room, Ven rushed into the bathroom.</p><p>“Don’t put him on the bed yet,” Ven called as he wet a washcloth with warm water and came back out. He did his best to clean Vanitas up while Riku held him. The stuff had dried and was difficult to get out of his hair, but Ven got most of it and helped Riku put the dark haired boy to bed. Ven sighed and ran his hands through his hair.</p><p>“I’m going to talk to Aqua. Will you two come with me?” he asked, fiddling with his fingers.</p><p>“Of course!” Sora clasped his hand on Ven’s shoulder. Riku nodded. “We’re with you,” he said.</p><p>“Thanks guys,” Ven grinned, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I don’t know what I’m going to say to her.” He ran his fingers through his hair, making it stand up even more than normal.</p><p>“We’ll help you,” Sora comforted, and together, they went in search of Ven’s friend.</p><p>They found her on the roof, going through her keyblade forms. Ven cringed at how close she was to the edge, with barely a lip to stop her if she fell. She saw them come up and sighed, dismissing her keyblade and sitting on the lip of the roof. She opened a water bottle and took a drink.</p><p>“Aqua, we need to talk,” Ven said sitting down on the roof in front of her. Sora and Riku sat on either side of him.</p><p>“Ven,” Aqua sighed, running a hand through her sweat soaked hair. “Vanitas is dangerous.”</p><p>“So are you when you want to be,” Ven countered.</p><p>“Aqua, has Vanitas actually hurt anyone since he came to us?” Riku asked. Aqua scrunched up her nose.</p><p>“He brandished his keyblade at Lea,” she pointed out.</p><p>“Lea startled him,” Ven defended.</p><p>“That’s no excuse to pull a keyblade on someone!” Aqua contered.</p><p>“But he didn’t actually hurt Lea,” Riku drew the conversation back. Aqua sighed.</p><p>“No, that time he didn’t. But who knows what will happen next time!”</p><p>“We can’t judge people on what they might do,” Sora said. “We can only judge them on what they have done.”</p><p>“And Vanitas tried to kill me and Ven,” Aqua said.</p><p>“When he was under Xehanort’s influence,” Ven countered.</p><p>“He still did it.”</p><p>“He didn’t know any better.”</p><p>“And now he does?”</p><p>“Now we have a chance to show him how to be better. But if you keep attacking him unprovoked, he will never trust us!” Ven threw up his hands. They four of them sat in silence for a while. Riku broke the quiet.</p><p>“I think Xehanort showed Vanitas only pain and misery. He didn’t know there was anything else. Vanitas did what Xehanort told him. Attacking you was the only way he knew to stop the hurt. If we only show Vanitas the same thing, then we are no better than that monster.”</p><p>“You’re right,” Aqua said after a long pause. “I shouldn’t have attacked him at dinner.” Ven grinned at her. “But, I still don’t trust him.”</p><p>“But you’re not going to attack him anymore?” Sora asked.</p><p>“No. Unless he hurts someone, I’ll leave him alone,” she agreed. Sora grinned at her too.</p><p>“Thanks Aqua!” Ven said.</p><p>“Don’t thank me yet,” she warned. “If he hurts anyone, I will send him to the realm of darkness.”</p><p>“He’s not going to hurt anyone!” Ven guaranteed, but he didn’t realize that was technically a lie.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Warning for self harm and discussion of self harm.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Late that night, Lea woke up and went down to the kitchen to get a snack. The room was dimly lit by the starlight that shone through the windows. The redhead padded on socked feet to the fridge and pulled it open. The light spilled out and shone on something on the floor. Lea frowned at the knife and picked it up, only to startled and drop it when he realized it was covered in blood.</p><p>“Shit,” he swore as he stepped back from the object. Movement in the far corner caught his eye and Lea squinted into the darkness. A form huddled against the cabinets, legs pulled up to their chest. Lea caught a glimpse of golden eyes flash at him.</p><p>“Vanitas?” he asked, closing the door to the fridge. “What are you doing down here?” He took a step toward him and Vanitas pressed himself further into the wall.</p><p>“Stay away,” he said, his voice soft and hoarse, as if he’d been crying.</p><p>“Kid?” Lea asked, taking another step. Vanitas threw out his arm, as if he could keep Lea away with the gesture.</p><p>“Leave me alone,” Vanitas begged, his voice still sounded awful. Lea looked at the kid’s arm and understood. Angry red lines dripped onto the floor.</p><p>“Oh kid,” Lea said sadly. He sank to his knees in front of Vanitas. “What did you do to yourself?” Vanitas didn’t answer, just tucked his mutilated arm back to his chest. Lea studied the fragile looking boy. He was shaking slightly, and his eyes shone with unshed tears.</p><p>“You know,” Lea began, adjusting himself so he was more comfortable on the floor. “When I first became a nobody, there were days I couldn’t stand not being able to feel anything. So, I did that,” he gestured to Vanitas’ arm. “Granted I did it where my clothes would hide it, but it was nice to feel something again, even if it was pain.” Vanitas tipped his head to the side, like a curious dog.</p><p>“And then, when I became a somebody again, sometimes all those emotions were more than I could handle. Then it became about blocking out all those thoughts and feelings swirling around in my head. I get the feeling you and I are in the same boat kid.” There was a long moment where Vanitas didn’t say anything, and Lea almost lost hope that he would. But finally he did.</p><p>“I don’t understand why I still hurt,” Vanitas began hoarsley. “Not in the same way as before. Before, I cut myself because Xehanort said pain lead to anger which lead to power, and if I wanted to get strong enough to defeat Ventus and form the X blade, I needed more pain. I needed pain to stop the pain. So I did, and sometimes, it just felt good to be the one causing my pain instead of him. But now, now it hurts because everytime I’m around Ventus, it’s like I’m weak.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Lea asked softly.</p><p>“Like, he makes me drop my guard, and I can’t stop myself from feeling around him.”</p><p>“Sounds to me like you feel safe around him.”</p><p>“Safe?”</p><p>“Yeah, safe. You know he isn’t going to attack you if you show weakness, so you’re able to drop your guard enough to actually feel all the stuff that’s built up inside of you.”</p><p>“Ventus makes me feel safe?” Vanitas mused. Lea smiled a bit to himself. The kid was actually opening up to him. He’d shown Vanitas that they were similar enough for him to trust him.</p><p>“Feeling safe with someone is a great thing,” Lea explained. “Someone like that is a really good friend, and you should do what you can to keep them close.”</p><p>“But how do I make the feelings stop overwhelming me without…” Vanitas showed his arm to Lea and the man cringed from the wounds.</p><p>“You talk to your friends about what you’re feeling, and they do what they can to help you get through them, got it memorized?"</p><p>“And that works?” Vanitas sounded like he doubted Lea.</p><p>“Yeah it works. It’s a lot better than hurting yourself. I’m sure it feels wrong when you do it, even if it also feels good. I know it felt wrong to me.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Vanitas agreed. “It feels wrong, but I didn’t know what else to do.”</p><p>“Well, let's get you cleaned up okay? It wouldn’t do to have those cuts get infected.” Vanitas made a face at that. Lea stood and offered a hand that Vanitas accepted. Lea pulled him to his feet and led him to the sink where he rinsed out the wounds. Once he’d patted them dry with a paper towel, Lea had the kid sit at the counter while he dug through the cabinets for a first aid kit. Once he’d found it, he smeared the cuts with an antibiotic salve, and wrapped them with gauze and bandages.</p><p>“There,” he declared when Vanitas’ forearm was covered in white. “All better. Make sure you change that in a day, they’ll need to be cleaned again.” Vanitas nodded and got up from the chair. He started to leave but turned back for a moment.</p><p>“Hey, Lea?”</p><p>“Yeah kid?”</p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>“Any time kid,” Lea watched him go and sighed, running his hands through his hair. “What did that old man do to him,” he muttered before turning to the discarded knife and the bloody floor. “Why do I always get stuck with the icky jobs,” he complained as he cleaned up the mess.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This chapter was a major turning point for both Vanitas and Aqua.  I was unsure whether to put the scene with Lea here or later, but it demanded I write it and it felt wrong to leave it out.  Please review, I love hearing from you all, it makes writing worth it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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